June 12, 2014

#120- Ugh. Let's be real for a minute and admit that I only put this on the list because it was the only way I was going to actually do it. I know it's cliche, but I strongly dislike the dentist. Nothing good ever happens there- just strange drilling noises, awkward conversations (I don't even know why they insist on talking to you while your mouth is wide open- it's not like it's going to be a great conversation), and pain. Lots of uncomfortable pain.

We meet again, old nemesis.

Ok, so maybe it's not all bad- you do get free stuff. Although the prizes were a lot more exciting when I was a kid. Why don't they have a treasure chest at the end of the hall so I can go pick out my toy? I was really good! 

Unfortunately (or fortunately, however you choose to look at it), I haven't been to the dentist in an embarrassingly long time. Which meant I had a couple cavities. Which meant I had to go back in for a second (and third) appointment. Which meant I got to spend a majority of my day looking like I got a botched Botox job.

I really am smiling all the way, I promise.
 

Let me share with you some of the lessons I learned that day.

Things you cannot do after going to the dentist:

1. Drink water from a cup. Just stick to straws for a while.

2. Put on Chapstick. Ends up everywhere but your lips. 

3. Rub your lips together after attempting to put on said Chapstick.

4. Go out in public. (Ok, you technically can do this, but it is strongly discouraged.)

5. Laugh. Just don't. It's scary.

6. Look like a sane person. 

7. Have hope that your face will ever feel normal again. After about four hours you just begin to accept that this is your life now.

Things you can do after going to the dentist:

1. Self-cannibalism. It's that lovely moment when you realize you're no longer chewing your food and strangely half of your cheek is missing. 

2. Drool. 

3. Dress up as a convincing Two-Face from Batman. Minus the missing skin, of course. Except after you've done #1- then you totally have it all down. 

4. Excuse yourself from work for the rest of the day. Everyone knows what you're going through and trust me, they don't want to come near the uncontrollable drooling. Just go home.

5. Be blissfully ignorant that you might have had Ranch dressing on your face for hours.